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Background[]
“ Sometimes, I live on the tightrope”
— author's comment
"Tightrope" is an original English song, composed by Creep-P and featuring CYBER SONGMAN. It is part of their song series, MR. SAD BOY.
The song is about a tightrope walker at the CIRCO DE NEONS, named Felipe. Every day, before he would begin his act, he would have invasive thoughts that he hated and wanted gone—thoughts about his attraction towards men. Felipe hated that he was gay, and his thoughts about this would get worse, especially within nightmares that he would wake up in a cold sweat and crying from. He was unable to accept his sexuality, and thus went into a cycle of disbelief and anger. Because of his struggles, Felipe acted rather rudely towards others. This was especially true for his actions towards grown men, because he would be simultaneously repulsed and attracted to them, and then repulsed that he was attracted at all.
To get himself to concentrate, Felipe would often remove the safety net under his tightrope during practices, so that his thoughts were not of his feelings towards men, but of focusing on moving forward and avoiding falling to his death. However, when he was actually performing, he would keep the net underneath him, though his focused mindset stayed the same.
One day, after he finished practice, he met with Malique, the ringleader. He knew, for once, that he loved him, and was not actually repulsed by him or his attraction for him. His trust in the ringleader led him to believe that he would not be hurt by him. This was when Felipe finally accepted that he was gay, and decided that after that night's performance, he would tell him. However, halfway into his act, he looked out into the crowd to see Malique. While his heart fluttered at first sight, it would soon shatter when he saw that Malique was trying to instead woo a woman named Mary. In this moment of heartbreak, Felipe lost focus, misstepped on his tightrope, and fell, thinking that he failed after all he worked for.
Felipe was hopeful because of the safety net under the tightrope, but because he was focused on what he would say to confess his love to Malique when replacing the net, it was improperly placed. Thus, it snapped, and Felipe's fall continued until he smashed into the ground. He died on impact, but before he did he managed to utter his final words: "I'm sorry I ever loved you."
Lyrics[]
There's a thin line to where it all starts
But that line starts to fade when your life starts to fall apart
But can I try again?
But can I try again?
Oh, there is no way I can let these thoughts win
It's just a circus act
Over and over again
I'm walking on thin lines
I'm running out of time
It's just a circus act
Over and over again
My time to walk the rope
with little to no hope
Oh, reality has struck
No, you can't tell me I'm this f▬cked
Everyday I get up it's a balancing act
Facing the fantasy that I cannot get back
They tell you just look out
Look behind or turn around
Just keep looking forward or else you're gonna fall down
But you can't fall if you're on the ground from the start
But my eye's in the sky so if I fall I know that it's my own fault...
Don't tell me what to do
You're not in my f▬cking shoes
You don't understand the things I have in my head
Don't tell me what to do
You're not walking the skyline
Wish you could understand what's happening in my mind
I'm blinded by these bright spotlights
As a matter of fact, I can't accept that
Can't put on a smile; I know that for a fact
But rveryday I get up it's a balancing act
I'll walk on this tightrope
Facing something I can't have back
They tell you just look out
Look behind or turn around
Just keep looking forward or else you're gonna fall down
But you can't fall if you're on the ground from the start
But my eye's in the sky so if I fall I know that it's my own fault...
One step forward, but two steps back
Two steps forward, but three steps back
"DON'T LOOK BACK!"
They said.
"DON'T TURN AROUND!"
They said.
"DON'T LOOK BACK!"
They said.
So explain why I fell?
Opening my eyes
Now facing all of my lies
Standing on the podium from one end to the other
But the line gets further
They tell you just look out
Look behind or turn around
Just keep looking forward or else you're gonna fall down
But you can't fall if you're on the ground from the start
But my eye's in the sky so if I fall I know that it's my own fault...