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Waking up from the worst nightmare I've ever had... can't stop the tears. Not about monsters or anything... well, imaginary ones, at least.
In it, I was hanging out with my family somewhere at night... then all of a sudden two cars pull up to each other quite a distance away from us, and people get out and start arguing. Then someone gets pissed and the fireworks ensue. Instead of any of them getting hurt, it ended up with a stray bullet taking away one of my most treasured people in life: my nephew. The culprits sped off, but never seemed to get caught in the end from what I can remember of the dream.
Things got stranger after that... I felt absolute numbness for several "days"... then when the day hit that he usually comes to spend time with us, I completely lost it, knowing he was never going to bust through our front door and clod-hop his way up the stairs towards "his room" as usual... then flashed forward to the memorial service... and then after that, things got blurry and I couldn't move, no matter how hard I tried...
So... whatever the heck I ate last night that triggered something in my head to do that, I swear it's going to get incinerated. Either that, or it's that sleep paralysis thing... that's never happened to me before, where I honestly couldn't shake a dream and wake up, even after realizing it was just that. (TAT)
That... and all of these tragedies and crimes involving/against children within the past several years are obviously beginning to pile up and affect me deeper than I thought. The Sandy Hook shootings, parents either abandoning their babies or abusing them to the point of inhumanity, the girl that was recently stabbed by her classmates, the little boy who was bashed in the head and killed trying to protect his sister who was sexually assaulted, an 8-year-old boy struck and killed by a random celebratory gunfire bullet (whose killer has never been caught to this day), a 5-year-old shot while playing outside his home, an almost 2-year old girl shot while in her home, and two teens shot over laughing at some moron "knocking boots" with a woman behind a storage shed ON AN ACTUAL PLAYGROUND IN BROAD DAYLIGHT... where CHILDREN were actually PLAYING. There are a lot of others, even the instances further back when the Columbine HS shootings happened... every time I hear yet another instance of this sort of violence against kids, I lose so much faith in humanity it isn't even funny.
I NEVER want to see that image of the child I care about the most in my life being snatched away due to someone's lack of empathy and blatant disregard of human life ever again, dream or reality. It's already horrible enough having to see one of his classmates suffer through a similar ordeal I even dreamt of, and I can only imagine what the parents are going through right now. And I keep praying that it never happens for real... if the dream was any testament to how I would really react, God forbid it happens and I become a complete burden to not only myself, but to everyone else in my family who would have to suffer through my lack of sanity as well as the loss of a young life... I know I can't handle un-expected tragedies very well as it is, and if it were a child I was close to, I know I wouldn't be able to let it go.
(*sigh*) Well, that's the gist of it. I thought I'd get it out of my head somehow instead of bottling it in and potentially having another nightmare on the same caliber tonight. Can't do that... Momo needs her beauty rest... (=A=)